My last Bombers playing top proudly states ‘Bombers FC est. 1979’ (the others are in the musee de calamar). The new 40th anniversary top sports the words ‘Bombers FC 1978-2018’.
What’s going on? Was there a secret year of establishment we have only now found out about? Did Bombers FC begin in 1978 in some Illuminati-like society, with goat sacrifices and virgins? (if so then the mystery of Marky Mark is solved. You’re welcome). Regardless of the reason, there seems to be some inconsistencies in Bombers FC.
Ah. Yes. Inconsistency FC.
Inconsistency FC- a starting eleven with unpredictability and inconstancy upfront. The midfield of variability, instability, irregularity and unevenness. The back four of unsteadiness, self-contradiction, self-contrariety and capriciousness. And in goal, volatility. The bench includes fickleness, unreliability, undependability and flightiness. This is the squad that can make good teams penitent and bad teams jubilant.
And lo, so it was on a brisk northerly day Bombers/Inconsistency FC (40 years young) took the pitch against Fuck Knows FC. A tale of opposites.
They were bottom of the table and had been consistently bad. We were middle of the table and inconsistently good and/or bad. They had a giant, we had a dwarf. They had a goalkeeper, we had Ragg-boy. They all wear the same tops, we wear different versions of the same tops. They had no substitutes, we are all substitutes. Men of the earth playing on an artificial pitch.
The game, like many in Masters 4, began with a whimper and got less frantic and skilful from there. Old hands (Nintendo, Son of God, Doc, Mingus, Calamari, Hansie - collectively with possibly nearly 200 years of Bombers’ service) playing alongside some people with actual skill, speed and agility - Stent, Nacho, Sparky Mark, Tiberius/Diablo, Ragg, Magic et al. What could go wrong? 0-1 after 10 minutes. That’s what. But not to worry, the comeback would be underway. 0-2 said differently.
Half-time and some inspiring words from injured Bombers El Capitan AG (at least he showed up – I’m looking at YOU JB). “It’s a 3-goal wind….and I know we just had the wind, but…fuck, just get stuck in, tackle, pass, score, defend, be the ball….”. I almost cried (the wind affects me like that).
Into the wind the brave bombers went. Calamari was playing like two men (this was because there were two calamari shirts running around) and with the lion’s share of possession with the Bombers, this eventually leads to a Bombers’ goal. Who scored it? Every fucking player that was there that day that’s who. It’s a team game and how DARE you need a report to single players out for special glory (yep, you guessed it, I can’t remember who scored it).
Try as Bombers FC might (I’m looking at YOU Tiberius/Diablo), a second goal would not be coming. 1-2 the final score and so off to the pub for beer, fried food and to discuss the ‘me too’ movement and Bombers’ Beach Bash 2018. A Bomber’s Saturday always ends well.
(Thanks Calamari, that was a very lovely precis of the game. A solid C+. And we admire the way you rise above your handicap. Meanwhile, sharp-eyed readers will have spotted that there have been no match reports for the last 7 or so matches. Who to blame? Well, in a word, and not to personalise it, Gyles. Apparently if a report doesn't include the words 'the tech heavy NASDAQ' he is unable to compose a bulletin. I'll leave there. No bitterness. Just bantz.).