Season 35. Game 10. A Merrie Conceited Comedie

Gyles, King of  Kelburn and his 18 noble companions took an oath  in 2016 not to give in to the company of goals or women.  They would devote themselves to a season of study and fasting.

[Forester hath agreed somewhat more hesitantly than the others for the physician did confide in him a dream of  treble glory on this day in Merrymar. ]

The King declares that no ball should come within a chain of the box and to ensure such , he positions his Captain at Arms, Kyrk at the apex.

The  Sad Men of Merrymar number but 11 and are without reinforcements .

And so it begins…eagerly watched by the Princess Anne of  Kilbirnie  and her ladies including Jaquenetta ( a country wench)  who have encamped just outside the battle’s borders.

Within 2 minutes of the blowing of the horn Forester has dashed from the edge of the box and poked his way to his first betrayal of abstinence.

Within 10 minutes ,  Owyn Goal ( a local Merrymar constable ) has scored off his sconce  and become the Golden Boot  for 2016. 2-0

When Sir Alastair the curate, is unceremoniously fowled by a local winged weta , King Gyles [ who has become both Judge and Lord over all ] , points to a spot on the turf  in a charming falsetto:

“ What a lovely spot !  Do what thoust can Captain Kyrk  !“   [ for I know thou abstinence has weakened thee]

Surprising all his noble companions [ who lay in hiding]  Kyrk  placed  a modestly-paced ball along the ground  into the netting via the Gaolkeepers fingers. 3-0

As the clamour is rejoined , Zel Adriano de Armado in midstfield , [a Serbian visiting the court ], aghast at his companion’s failing vows , tells the King of an earlier oath-bursting tryst  between Captain Kyrk and Jaquenetta.

 Moments later the Serb is felled by a blow that shakes the very  foundations of his being and results in a cupful of claret .

[It appears Captain Kyrk enjoys loyalty  within the ranks of the enemy as well as on the borders .]

Hurrying hisself along, the Portly Physician escorts the haemorrhaging but  Unstoppable Zel   from the battlefield to his chambers and restores his unique visage [with the aid of a needle and some stray cat’s gut.]

Whilst the embroidery is done they hear a roar from afar is 4-0 …again speaketh the Forester’s mighty sword …then a missed 4 ½ th as the Forester [ who hath given up all pretence of self-control]  crashes a header off the crossbar.

The Forester is now flagrantly pleasuring hisself with a narrow angled score in a crowded box  5-0 , swiftly followed by an ejaculation through the melee [our foe rendered static by fear ] . The Merrymars are rendered abject and reeling at 6-0.

There is but one humiliation left.

Costard  of Churton , [whose  cantering pace and sensitivity is reknowned for its lack of conviction ], is put through at the half and none follow him.

Not even the turncoat Porche Marcade who has been dressing in other men’s clothing .

Costard has his one-on-one way with the keeper of the gaol and discards him as if a sticky rag thrown to the soiled earth. 7-0.

And thereafter truly at the Smelly Inn didst the 19 Noble Companions celebrate . 

And finally didst the King of Kelburn  [ after briefly discussing the cession of Aquitane] proclaim that the only study worthy of man is that of love .