Season 37 Game 664 Knocked out loaded

By cub reporter Graham "Lumpy" Law

(Editor's note to readers: barely detectable traces of football appear in this report. We apologise on behalf of the author, who is a little bewildered).



A concussion is an injury to the brain that results in temporary loss of normal brain function. It usually is caused by a blow to the head. In many cases, there are no external signs of head trauma. Many people assume that concussions involve a loss of consciousness, but that is not true. In many cases, a person with a concussion never loses consciousness.

The formal medical definition of concussion is a clinical syndrome characterized by immediate and transient alteration in brain function, including alteration of mental status and level of consciousness, resulting from mechanical force or trauma.

People with concussions often cannot remember what happened immediately before or after the injury and may act confused. A concussion can affect memory, judgment, reflexes, speech, balance and muscle coordination. Paramedics and athletic trainers who suspect a person has suffered a concussion may ask the injured person if they know their name, what month/year it is and where they are.

Even mild concussions should not be taken lightly. Neurosurgeons and other brain-injury experts emphasize that although some concussions are less serious than others, there is no such thing as a "minor concussion." In most cases, a single concussion should not cause permanent damage. A second concussion soon after the first one does not have to be very strong for its effects to be permanently disabling or deadly.

How can you test yourself for a concussion?

After a blow to the head, any loss of consciousness, numbness or weakness in an extremity, or tenderness and/or loss of motion in the neck can all be signs of a concussion.

While it is ideal to have someone else who has not suffered a head injury perform a concussion test, there are some ways to self-test to see if a recent head injury was actually a concussion. People who have trouble standing on one foot with their eyes open; walking in a straight line; or stretching out a hand and then touching their nose with their index finger, alternating arms, may have experienced a concussion.

People who are confused, foggy or have trouble remembering events that took place around the time of the injury may all have had a concussion. Slurring of speech, slowed physical or verbal responses and inappropriate drowsiness are also signs of a concussion but are more difficult to self-diagnose. People who think they may have had a concussion should visit an urgent care clinic or their physician as soon as possible, but those who cannot stop vomiting, suffer seizures or find their confusion or headache level is steadily increasing should head to the emergency room immediately if no other facilities are open


Well I don’t think any of the above applies to me … I remember everything except the last milliseconds before the head clash and that’s probably just because I had my eyes shut – always was poor at heading the ball!!!!

Was fine on Saturday night and Sunday but Monday wasn’t too flash; felt a bit blurry out of my left eye.  So went home after presenting some rather large numbers to our Minister …. everyone seems happy with how that went so must have been ok. Fine by Wednesday, head now a nice dark yellow and purple colour.


Back to some football and something for us all to aspire to …. some of my favorite George Best quotes:

·      I spent a lot of money on booze, birds and fast cars. The rest I just squandered.

·      I used to go missing a lot... Miss Canada, Miss United Kingdom, Miss World.

·      In 1969 I gave up women and alcohol - it was the worst 20 minutes of my life.

·      They say I slept with seven Miss Worlds.  I didn’t. It was only four.  I didn’t turn up for the other three.

·      I've stopped drinking, but only while I'm asleep

Happy to talk anyone through my favourite George Best stories.

Anyway the six highlights of the match from what I can remember were:

·      How were we not 6-0 up in the first 15 minutes?  Talk about a goal against the run of play.

·      Oh yes my shooting was shite – apologies, that will be the reason.  But somehow managed to get one eventually.

·      Note some type of cap is in order to prevent sun strike.

·      In my seven games I don’t think I’ve seen Marky Mark move, never mind pounce, like that for the second equaliser.

·      Surely Kirk’s a ‘lover not a fighter’ but apparently it’s his Maori blood.

·      Slide rule pass, Kirks through, shoot big fella shoot … preferably into the goals not the side netting!!!!

Points dropped, mud wins.